Please do stay away from this page if you are a Singaporean or if you find that Singaporean jokes are offensive or insulting. All jokes,stories character and events posted on this blog are -even those based on real people-- are entirely fictional. For the others who are able to laugh at Singaporeans and the things they do, read on. To be fair, I will try my best to post jokes on all nations, religions and race.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Ah Nian trying to ship package
A lady wanted to ship a package from Singapore to China decided to call DHL to check for the courier charges. After dialing up to the toll free line, she listen to the voice menu.
Machine: Welcome to DHL... for English press 1 for Mandarin press 2 ...
Ah Nian : press option 1 .
Machine: For automate system for rates and prices, press 1
Ah Nian : press option 1 .
Machine: Please enter your 9 digit account number, if you do not have a 9 digit account number please press 0
Ah Nian : Press 6
Machine: I'm sorry, I don't understand your selection. Please enter your 9 digit account number, if you do not have a 9 digit account number please press 0.
Ah Nian : Press 6
Machine: I'm sorry, I don't understand your selection.Please stay online our customer service representative will assist you.
Customer representative : Good day, this is James, how can I help you?
Ah Nian : Your voice menu is spoil la.. why so lousy one. Some more you are DHL not small China company you know...
Customer representative : I'm so sorry to hear that madame. I notice from our system that you have press the number 6, why is that so?
Ah Nian : Ai yo, why DHL hire stupid monkey like you? 6 is G , G for Giro ma......
What is a Singaporean?
Having said that, we (the Malaysians) do not like Singapore for very valid reasons. Just to name the top 3 reasons out of the list of dislikes.
Reason 1
Singaporeans are usually horrendous drivers (not the cab drivers though they are good) . You know its a Singaporean driving when,
a. They stop at yellow light and wait for it to turn red.
b. They buy cars that is 253 mph, 0-60 in 2.5 secs. and drive it at the speed of 5 km per hour.
c. They need to occupy 2 parking space because they only know how to do parallel parking
d. They park in between roads.
e. The distance between the Singaporean car and the car in front is about 10 meters.
Reason 2
Singaporeans are self absorb egoistic people. They are always right, never wrong and everything must be their way. Their attitude remind me of my cousin Bretta, who is currently 5 and spoiled. In fact, you can identify the Singaporean if they use the following phases
a. That is not my problem, I want it done. I don't care if you say it cannot be done, it must be done, if not i sue you. (this phrase is word by word)
b. Why must I wait ? I'm the customer. Don't put me on hold. I am God.
c. Your service is bad, I should have gone to the competitor (but in the end, they still come back to us)
Reason 3
They only have mouth, no ears. Its like they are genetically mutated to only talk and never listen. Hence I place their intelligence level bellow blonds. Typical example shown bellow in ordering pizza.
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Pizza house: Thank you for calling Pizza House, this is James. How can I help you?
Customer: Eh, ah is this Pizza House?
Pizza House: Yes, this is Pizza House, I am James. Whom am I speaking to?
Customer: Hello, I want to order Pizza
Pizza House: O.k, before that can i have your name and delivery address sir?
Customer: I want a pepperoni pizza, extra cheese and no olives.
Pizza House: Alright, can I have your name sir?
Customer: How long to have it deliver ah?
Pizza House customer service fainted ...
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